I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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