On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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