and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm getting married
To pizza
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
