Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Its about making memories worth repressing
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
