Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
