Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
