i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
