I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
