my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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