Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
