Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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