i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
