Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
