i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I need a burrito and a hug.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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