i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
