i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
