i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
