Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
