i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
