sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
