how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
