How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
