I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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