I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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