I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
