My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
