some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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