Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
