Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
