So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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