Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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