So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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