DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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