thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
