you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
