I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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