Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
