Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
