His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
