I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
