i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
