Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
