i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
