But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
