maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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