...so i touched it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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