sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
