I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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