Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
