I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
