spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
