I wish I could punch you in the face.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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