puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
