whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm like, not good at living.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
