Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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