Pappa wants mamma naked
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
